What was I thinking?
I had today figured out on how I would draw excerpts from my unpublished book to you but nay, I broke my very organized plans for this. Maybe because there are new words, there are new feelings. Words that are not necessary different from the deep sadness, fear and panic I had then but just another angle which I am really trying so hard to bring myself to expressing them.
Beyond the hurts, sorrows, fear and panic, I have grown so tender to never let you go unappreciated and that in some way gives me a kind of joy I cannot fathom. So, I decided to thank you instead, Daddy. Now, I want to thank you in some other ways, I am sure though that you leaving is not and may not be one of them but I thank you for coming through n the first place.
I thank you for the smile you shared with me and how I remain your favorite Cinderella. I’m grateful for the way you call my name and make me feel so beautiful about life. It is amazing how you could come to say that to me every time without ever getting tired. You know something? I really want to thank you for giving me the beauty from your handsomeness. it’s a great thing to call you Dad.
I thank you for seeing my passions through your wise eyes. I cannot overemphasize the gravity of your eagle eyes, you noted everything and saw me best when I don’t even see me. I still haven’t gotten over how you made me figure out what I wanted to be. It was a one-time forever experience I can’t seem to get off my existence, especially as I feel daily that I made the best of all best decisions ever. How did you do those things, Daddy?
I thank you for believing I can when no one thought I was done. It is safe to say I got to a finish line last but you Daddy plucked the finish line post and set a new competition for me, and here I am, I won. Daddy, I won. It was not easy that I couldn’t make the choice, I couldn’t win that way, I couldn’t understand and I really couldn’t even continue but you, you kept believing there was a way out. It was not only about the money you spent but also the words you said. I can only imagine the shame waiver you were flagging over me. You won that and I got the prize. Daddy, we won!
I thank you for making me tough. Although you were always making fairer treatments on your female children, I know you love us so much as your princesses but you never let that get in the way of keeping us strong and ready. You gave me experiences that even my Resume still benefits from. The farm experience, the ideas on politics, the speaking up push, the cooking tips, our tough spiritual differences that made me want to know the truth more, the view from men’s perspective, and all that I cannot truly number through. You, my Daddy, never let me slouch!
I thank you for the privilege to be called yours and taking responsibilities over me. I’m aware you felt like it is your duty to do those things but I feel it was a privilege. How can I explain that you made it look more like a calling than a duty? Always showing and proving that you will be there, and you always stay present there. I remember you followed me to break our store door because I was hungry and you couldn’t find the key (which was just up the door frame, funny). It was a long time but I now understand how you just want me fed at the moment and couldn’t wait. I want to own my kids like the way owned me, Dad.
I thank you for your humility. It still guides me to choose and be a better version of myself. I am grateful that the world sees only what i want them too and that doesn’t and shouldn’t hurt anybody. You have really taught us well. I am proud of you, DAD!
I thank you for your consistencies in everything. Even your choices in your marriage style. I don’t know but you made everything look so easy and fun. You were really just a badass Dad and the best gig puller. You didn’t let anything come hurt anyone, and you were always for peace.
I knew I cannot say them all or thank you enough but I thank you for everything! Thank you, Dad.
I wanted to do a lot more for and with you, take care of you in my own way, tell you “I love you” after you send me urgent 10k”, share my ideas with you, make you a standby sponsor to fund my programs, dance with you, eat assorted soup (“Alapa” in Yoruba language) with you, watch you eat with tray and napkin like a baby, listen to some family stories that I didn’t really understand from you, talk about my internships with you, share and argue cases from school and service year with you, listen to you ask of a boyfriend I didn’t have from me, rejecting the boyfriends I didn’t even have for me, speaking in codes when your friends are around to me, searching for old tissue-textured documents for you, hug you when I come home from school, pet you when I catch you feel pains too, I miss you, a lot.
Happy posthumous birthday. How is that place? Are the angels taking good care of you? How do you feel? Are you seeing me? Are you reading this? I don’t know but please, have a great day or maybe a minute or whatever the timing system format in heaven is.
I love you. Very much!
Dr. Adebankemo O. Michael
Mar, 9th 2022
If you had any questions and or additions concerning/to this write-up, kindly leave a comment and or reach me on firstname.lastname@example.org